I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
