Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize