Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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