forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's blow job season.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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