Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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