i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
