i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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