I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
