You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
