3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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