Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
