apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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