I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When are your genitals available?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
