just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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