Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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