I queefed so loud it echoed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
