you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
