i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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