You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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