I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
