Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
