just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's blow job season.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
