Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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