new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
