I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
