She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
