You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
