I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize