I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
