I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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