Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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