I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
