This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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