I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
