did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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