Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
