Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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