I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
