Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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