If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
