Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you pee in the oven last night??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
