1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
