I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
