dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
40s are totally the cure
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
