Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
