i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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