As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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