He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
