I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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