girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
