i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
