I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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