so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
