I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
