Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
