matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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