took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
