i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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