I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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