What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
