There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize