Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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