i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
