i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
