I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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